Parenting with Compassion: Navigating Anxiety and OCD in Children

It’s movie night, and the family is gathered on the couch, ready to enjoy a film together. But your child isn’t sitting with everyone else. Instead, they’re in the bathroom, washing their hands for what feels like the hundredth time. They can’t seem to stop, and no matter how much you reassure them, the anxiety about contamination won’t let them engage. While the rest of the family enjoys the movie, you’re left feeling torn between trying to help your child manage their compulsions and letting them find their way back to the group. It’s a painful reminder of how OCD can interfere with even the simplest, most joyful moments.

Children with emotional and behavioral challenges often drive the family dynamic, leaving everyone feeling on edge. Parents frequently feel like they are walking on eggshells, constantly adjusting to their child’s needs while advocating for them, attending appointments, and supporting them through emotional struggles. This is even more difficult when others misunderstand the situation, misinterpreting behaviors as poor parenting.

Maintaining a strong relationship with a child facing anxiety or OCD can be difficult. For example, a child with OCD might struggle with physical affection, such as hugs, due to contamination fears. Similarly, a child with anxiety may feel unsafe in certain situations, like being too close to others, due to internal fears. These behaviors can create emotional distance, leaving both the child and parent feeling disconnected.

However, it is important to remember that children with emotional challenges are not acting out of malice—they are overwhelmed by their internal struggles. What may seem like defiance is often a reaction to anxiety, compulsions, or a desperate attempt to regain control of their environment. 

Supporting a child with emotional challenges may not always feel rewarding, but it is essential, much like making a difficult subject like math engaging. Parents often need to implement accommodations and strategies to help their children, which, although not always "fun," are crucial for their well-being.

Recommendations for Strengthening Your Bond with Your Child

1. Plan an Activity Together
   Find an activity your child enjoys, whether it is drawing, playing a game, or watching a movie. Depending on their condition, you may need to be creative, but the goal is to spend quality time in a way that feels comfortable for them.

2. Keep the Activity Manageable
   Ensure the activity aligns with your child’s current emotional and physical state. For example, if they struggle with social anxiety, try a calm, private outing like a “picnic date” or a quiet activity at home.

3. Explore Community Resources for Support
   If an activity your child loves is out of your budget, investigate local resources. Many communities offer donated time or free access to activities. Reaching out to local groups like the Buy Nothing Project can connect you to helpful resources.

4. Create a Comfortable Environment
   If leaving the house feels overwhelming, transform a familiar space into something special. Consider turning movie night into an event with a projector, popcorn, and a concession stand.

5. Make it a “Therapy-Free Zone”
   Avoid using quality time to address behavioral issues or focus on therapeutic goals. Let your child enjoy the experience without the pressure of correcting behavior. Consult your child’s therapist to ensure this approach is right for them.

6. Build Anticipation for the Experience
   Talk about the upcoming activity in a positive, enthusiastic way. Express your excitement, which helps create a positive connection before the activity even starts.

7. Show Appreciation During the Activity
   Engage with your child by making eye contact, offering smiles, and expressing positive affirmations. Acknowledge their efforts and celebrate their skills or talents.

8. Be Ready to Pivot if Needed
   If the activity does not go as planned, be flexible. Adjust the plan or location to suit your child's emotional state. Flexibility can ensure the experience stays enjoyable.

9. Talk About the Time Together Afterward
   Reflect on the time spent together and express how much you enjoyed it. Positive reinforcement strengthens your bond and gives your child something to look forward to.

Parenting a child with emotional and behavioral challenges requires patience, flexibility, and a deep understanding of your child’s needs. Whether navigating OCD, anxiety, or other struggles, the right strategies can help build a supportive relationship while managing these complexities. With creativity, compassion, and ongoing support, families can thrive together despite the challenges they face.